Intuition is Delusional—But Reality is Insanity

“I wish I had the your level of intuition.”

Respectfully, no. No, you do not.



What you want is my level of self-trust.

Because intuition without self-trust actual self-mutilation.

Intuition though it can be practiced and fine tuned, it can’t be earned. It is a gift. Unfortunately, like that new vibrator you impulsively purchased that you didn’t realize required and didn’t come with batteries, intuition does not come with self trust. Which is genuinely unfortunate, because the thing doesn’t work without self trust. To make matters more complicated, any heightened or extraordinary gift requires extra high doses of discernment, calculation, and self-awareness. Yeah, none if that is part of the package deal of intuition. You gotta figure that out on your own.

It has taken my entire life — every trial, every tribulation, every repercussion of not listening to what I already knew — to finally freaking listen to myself.

And my life has completely changed since admitting to myself that I just be knowing things.

The Recipe for Insanity

I betrayed myself repeatedly. Distrusting, excusing, white-washing or wishing away my quiet inner voice, almost took my life. The longer I disregarded what I knew in my being, sicker, sadder, and more suicidal I became.

I was at on the verge multiple times over the last two years. Winter of 2025 I was on medical leave from my job in crisis services. mMy body was giving out, my mind was foggy and I was just fucking fatigued. My coworkers were commenting on me “not looking like myself”. I could barely get out of bed, and even when I was trying to rest, trying to subdue my racing thoughts was like wrestling with a wet eel, toothed but slippery. I was single handedly upholding the pharmaceutical industry with the number of meds I was trialing. I was spending more time in specialist offices than I was building a social life.

But I had been playing the game “right”.

I had a job in the field I’d gone to school for, in an area I have over a decade of professional credentials in. I have a relationship with my parents- not a great one by any stretch of the imagination, but we exchanged text messages a few times a week, maybe a call a month. I’m was active, working out multiple times a week, drinking enough water, getting my steps in, blah blah blah.

So what the hell was I so sick.



I was listening to myself. I wasn’t.

I knew that if I really examined my life, I’d have to face the music.

My parents were shitty parents.

I’d outgrown most of my friendships.

My body needed a level of rest that wasn’t possible given the work I was in.

I never meant to be miserable. I did everything in my power not to be miserable. I moved to a city I really enjoyed and frequently attended community events. I made new social connections nearly every time I left my apartment. I practiced an art form I truly love, and am good at. I genuinely loved the people in my life. But I wasn’t listening to myself. And I was refusing to slow down. Until my body and my mental health forced me to slow down.

Then, when I could hear my own inner-knowing, my whole life came crashing down.

I almost my entire support system. Immediate family, extended family, lifelong friends, newer relationships. People that, though I loved them, and maybe they loved me, their love did not fucking work for me.

I left crisis services for a less demanding but similar role. I began (and am still beginning) to prioritize rest. It is so silly to me that I can run five miles after hitting a two hour upper body day, but the second I consider “resting”, I want to peel my skin off.

I’m surprised my intuitive hits are as sharp as they are, and that I’m able to give accurate reads for clients, because I know that I’m not in complete alignment with myself. I know I still have blindspots, and places I still don’t want to look. I still have a long way to go. I know I do. But years at the gym taught me that progress is progress, period. I know I’m much more attuned to myself now than I was one year ago, and that is movement in the right direction.

You are a stranger to your own noggin

The neural patterns produced when imagining your future self are nearly identical to those created when thinking of a complete stranger. This is not the case when we reflect on past versions of self. Past me is real. Future me is not me. Obviously this causes issues when attempting to reroute your life, jump tracks to a different future than anything you’ve explored before. Your neural pathways are literally wired to continue building a life reflective of the version it knows is real, but is the exact version you want to outgrow.

I believe the people that are obsessed with ‘manifestation’ actually pragmatically delusion. They are just tweaked out enough to envision a reality as it isn’t yet and overlay that with a vivid sense of themselves. One way to make future you more real, is to literally put yourself in their sense.. until they become your sense. Through that thought experiment, you can create different reality than the one you find yourself in.

If we aren’t intentional about change, we repeat. We recreate. The situations, cast of characters, environments, all may look objectively different but they will produce the exact same outcome if we are only operating from what we know. Continuing to identify with past and the present, you’re dragging yourself forward into what we call the future, with zero changes.

Outcomes change when we form a relationship with the version of us who has a different one.

Honestly, not dissimilar to Tinkerbell and her whole thing about not existing unless she’s believed in. Fair enough. I get it.

Self Trust Is Delusional

Living a life that contradicts your present reality is delusional. And its exactly what intuition asks of you. To completely disregard the reality in front of you, and make choice in alignment with the voice inside of you head. Perfect. Absolutely perfect and not problematic at all. So yeah, you have to be delusional.

Self trust (with eventually builds into self confidence) requires you to have a relationship with future you that almost always contradicts your present reality —

Your present quality of life

Level of self-worth

Quality of relationships

Your present conditioning, neurobiology, self-perception, and health.

You need to have both 1. positive self delusion 2. taken action in alignment with what you want. That is how you transcend your reality. Period. There. I just saved you tens of thousands of dollars on courses, coaching, master classes. Because that’s it.

I cannot emphasize this enough, it does not behoove your to identify with your present circumstances that you want to change and move out of.

Nothing you don’t want to move on with you is yours. NOTHING.

The job you don’t love or doesn’t pay you your worth isn’t your job-

its a job that you’ve taken in the interim. It is not yours.

Voids cannot exist in the universe and if you make space by not taking ownership of things that are not yours, the universe will fill that void. It freaking will.

But you also need to be taking steps, practical steps in the direction your intuition is nudging you.

Through these two steps, you are forming a relationship with future you, and this is imperative if you want your life to change. This is why ‘meditation’ and ‘visualization’ are emphasized in the manifestation spaces.

Listen to me, you cannot create a different outcome than what present and past you have already experienced, unless future you becomes a real person that you have a real relationship with. How do you do that? You do not identify with your present cirumstance; because it is not you. Its merely a circumstance until the universe brings you what you’ve been working toward.

You must behavior as if your reality already is, must act in ways your brain doesn’t yet have the neural circuitry for. You must move in ways your muscle has no memory of yet.

Forming new habits and new thinking patterns is not complicated, but it is antithetical to everything. You must play them out before your brain has built the capacity to so.

Your five senses. Your dopamine receptors. The smooth muscle lining of your gut. Your preverbal conditioning. All of it will tell you that what you’re reaching for isn’t real.

You have to believe your ephemeral internal sense more than anything else.

That’s what it takes to follow your intuition (see, I told you you didn’t my heighten sense of intuition).

Meeting Her Where She Is

When people tell me they wish they had my intuition — what they mean is: I wish I had your self trust. Your self confidence.

It takes a delusional amount of self trust to disregard your present circumstances and believe what you know to be real.

But they are missing the entire point. This was not a buy-one get-one situation. One snuck up on me, the other result of disregarding my internal landscape in favor of the external, until it almost killed me. Living according to the external was gonna take me out.

But what is more insane that living out the same pattern over and over and expecting different results? That’s what not trusting your intuition will get you.

I’d rather be delusional, than ever lose myself again to the empirical.

I choose ephemeral not out of blissful, bullshit, spiritual by-passing, but because the alternative is a loop nobody gets out of.