Intuition- I Fucked Around and Found Out
“You’re so lucky you have your intuition.” This was said to me by a client at the end of a session a few weeks ago, and it has haunted me since (which is saying something, because I talk to dead people).
I had never thought of having intuition as something that had ever brought me “luck.” I’d go so far as to say it’s brought me nothing but turmoil and distress. Until recently, when I’ve finally allowed it to be an asset. My ego, burned and bruised from ignoring what I wasn’t so sure that I knew, now more readily drops the sword of reason and just accepts: I just be knowing things.
May of 2024, two years ago, I finally accepted and openly admitted to myself and others that I was communicating with the other side. It wasn’t until February 2026, three months ago, that I finally accepted that being a medium is my life purpose. Mind you, like the stubborn monster I am, I fought and screamed the entire way here. It was not easy. Having access to information that flat-out contradicts the world around you, the words people say to you, and even your own thoughts is not easy. And it was infrequent that I actually believed the information I was receiving as credible, never mind made choices based on it.
Most of my life, instead of believing the information I was receiving, I fucked around and found out. And it suckkkkkkkked. Ignoring the still, small voice in my head, I’d make choices following logic and reason, and repeatedly found myself in horse-shit situations that no one could have predicted… except that I did. I just hadn’t listened to myself.
Me after not listening to the voices in my head (FYI this is a screenshot from one of the most interesting videos I’ve ever recorded. If you’re interested in my unposted, more vulnerable recordings, let me know. That could tip the scales in my decision to make them publicly available).
Logic and reason not only have blind spots, logic and reason are blind spots. Logos is only privy to your lived experience and is only capable of drawing from your working memory. As an ADHD girlie, I have very limited access to my working memory, i.e., I be forgetting shit.
Intuition has access to all data from your lived experiences, not just that which your working memory can access. This information is ephemeral, preverbal, ancient, and archaic. Similar to the imagery of dreams, the brain hasn’t put words to this information, hasn’t made “reason” of it.
Being unreasoned doesn’t equate to not having meaning. In fact, intuition is the only way to make meaning out of the intangible. And I’d argue that most of life is unseen. As I grow and walk my own very strange life path, I am reminded of scriptures I grew up with: “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but… against spiritual forces…” (Ephesians 6:12).
It’s readily accepted that 80% of communication is nonverbal (a grossly misunderstood study, but I digress). Why is this statistic so widely accepted, and yet culturally, we still object to the idea that most of reality is undetectable by the five senses?
Yes, I do have very strong intuition. Yes, it did take many painful situations, of which I saw the outcome before they occurred, before I finally allowed myself to just accept that I know things. I know in my bones and in my mind’s eye, and I know it contradicts the outside world. But the more my ego surrenders to my intuition, the more quickly I outgrow limitations imposed upon me by systems of oppression I adopted simply by being born into them: a patriarchal society, a man-worshipping monotheistic church, a deeply abusive family system, an ableist culture.
What if identifying and listening to your intuition is actually antithetical to—and the antidote for—shirking off the expectations of the oppressor? What if listening to what you cannot see is your ultimate power move?
(Hint: it is.)
