Block Your Friends, Go Viral
Growing from 80 followers to over 50K in less than six months, I’ve learned a few things. Namely, the humiliation ritual of posting yourself online can be a little less humiliating — and maybe even fun — especially when you learn you control how you view being viewed. And who you allow permission to actually influence your self perception.
You aren’t being held back by fear. You’re being held back by uncertainty. And I’m not going to hold your hand when I say this but you need to block your friends.
The friend of a friend who invited you to brunch a few times, even though you always got the sense they didn’t really like you. The girl you keep running into at the gym, everytimes gushing, ‘yes we should hang out.” but doesn’t respond to your invitations. Your high school art teacher. Your roommate from 2016. That guy you used to be neighbors with that you still run into sometimes.
These are gray-area relationships. You don’t really know how they feel about you, and you never have.
It’s not clear if they genuinely enjoyed your presence when they were active in your life, and it’s not clear how they’ll react to seeing your gym progress pics, or a post breaking down your relationship with your mom.
You need to block them.
You do not have time for ambiguity — particularly when you’re trying to find your online identity, or share your personal story publicly.
I would rather have seven fake accounts of people I know despise me, following my every move, letting me take up an obscene amount of room in their amygdala, than ONE lukewarm, dried-out, connection scrolling through my feed, gossiping in the name of' ‘caring’ all the while not taking any risks themselves. Loser behavior.
As an autistic person, any connection that demands I invest any energy that requires decoding mixed signals is an immediate no for me. And it should be for you too. If somebody is not all in for you, just let them be all out. They are a waste of your brainspace.
“Why did that compliment they said feel bad when it landed? Why do I not know if I want to spend time with them again?”
“They said they’d love to get hangout again, but why did it not feel like the case?”
Anytime your asking “Why?” In a relationship— trying to dissect motives, or dissonance, is a waste of your goddamn brainspace, your most vital resource. Not time. Not energy. Brainspace. Because your brainspace is your attention and your capacity, and if your capacity is not being expanded, it’s being leeched from. Disingenuous relationships are the Loch Ness Monster of all leeches. They’re the first to invite you out to share their new milestone — but it doesn’t feel like a celebration, it feels like a bragging party. They’ll cover your coffee, but somehow the whole hangout feels more like networking than genuine connection.
Cut that shit out of your life. You don’t need it.
The people you need to keep around- but at a distance: your opps
People who hate you will be the first to watch your YouTube video, listen to your podcast, subscribe to your email list. They’re first, second, and third to watch and rewatch your story. These are not people that smile in your face, and roll their eyes at your behind your back, no these people despise you and that’s good for you.
And now you’re in their brainspace. You have their attention, and all attention, is currency. Having opps while making your life public like investing in a CD account in the algorithm with a 6% return. It is the ultimate investment on your energy, because hate is a lot of energy, and all of it is being directed at you. If you know how to alchemize energy — and most of us do — you know energy is energy, and you can use it to your benefit. Like laundering money. It’s just money. Who cares where it came from, because it’s going right back into the pool of eternal resources as soon as you spend it how you want.
But mixed-signal relationships? That’s foreign currency you can’t exchange. That’s Bitcoin that’s lost its value. You’ll spend more time Googling the exchange rate, trying to find somewhere that’ll take it, only to realize you’ve lost money, lost time, lost energy. You would’ve been better off leaving it in your old handbag and donating the whole thing to Goodwill.
Not worth the trouble. Block your ‘friends’. Let your opps drive up your engagement rate- chef’s kiss.
