A Dream: Fitted Sheets. December 2021

A dream, a nightmare:

‘Derek was working at a resort, and there was a tyrant, one of those psychopathic tyrants that’s both charismatic and evil. Derek was forced to get stoned with him and make a bed with fitted sheets. The psychopath then hurt him. Sexually, physically... I'm not sure. Derek was hidden from me in another room. All of this torture was taking place in the trailer I used to live in, the same one that my family grew up in (in my waking life).

My dad was yelling for my mom to help Derek, and she wouldn't. She was choosing to ignore him, turning a deaf ear. She was wearing all white.

My dad had a respirator on, and he needed help to rescue Derek, but I realized then that I was the only one. I was the only one that could rescue him.

Derek was screaming and sounded as he does in all of my dreams, alone and very far off.

God, I love and I miss him so much. I'm yet to integrate my grief completely.

Rich and fulfilling life, I trust them being guided by the universe, and I trust my ability to be guided.”

Now that I know a lot more about dream and Jungian and archetypal psychology, it's very obvious to me that this dream was my subconscious's way of trying to reorder my traumatic past, a traumatic past that I was not yet consciously aware of and I only became consciously aware of December of 2025 when I began spontaneously remote-viewing my deepest childhood woundings.

In this dream, as happens in all dreams, all of these characters are aspects of the self. Derek is, if you don't know my story, my deceased brother in this lifetime. He died in 2014. He used to show up in my dreams as a very distant, far-off character, which makes sense because he's passed on. In this dream, I believe that Derek is symbolizing my own young, wounded boy-archetype. It may also be a way for my subconscious to distance and externalize the pain and violence that I was subjected to. In the same way that the consciousness can create sub or multiple personalities and dissociate during trauma, I believe that that is what my subconscious is doing in this dream. Externalizing an aspect of myself onto a third party to make it easier to digest what happened to me.

I think the getting stoned and the fitted sheets are pretty self-explanatory, but I'll elaborate anyways. Getting stoned in this case is just a symbol of any kind of mind-altering substance. I realized, after reading this dream, it's very likely that the abuse I suffered as a child, I was also drugged for. This didn't occur to me until rereading this dream with fresh eyes a couple of days ago (I don't think I've looked at this dream since I wrote it down back in 2021).

There were always a plethora of substances throughout my childhood. I remember them on the coffee table. I remember them alongside crushed up near my breakfast. I remember the smell of them. There were always substances in my childhood up until Jab married my step/adoptive father (whom I reference here as my dad because he is my father figure, adopting me in 2000).

I think the fitted sheet may be a symbol of trying to make something fit. The fitted sheet is likely a personal symbol and less of a collective conscious symbol. I personally only sleep with the fitted sheet, and I don't use the top sheet, so there may be something there around comfort and/or complusion, something you just do without thinking about. At the same time, I've always found fitted sheets to be a pain because they can be wonky to try to make something (i.e., the mattress) fit. This likely a very disturbing sexual metaphor of child sexual abuse.

Next, my adoptive father being on a respirator is a collective conscious symbol of the "blind father" or power without perception. It is essentially this idea that the blind father/king can be can be become blinded by their biases, overly attached to tradition, and there by is unable to lead to their fullest capiacity. This repeats itself in the mythologies of King Oedipus and King Lear.

My mother, Jab, pretending to not be aware of the situation and wearing all white, is also very self-explanatory. It's a symbol of her feigning innocence and feigning naivety, ostrich in the sand. I do believe that this is both literal, that she literally pretended not to know that I was being physically and sexually abused, but I also think that she is, as the other characters in this dream, a symbol for myself. My own inner mother being modeled after the one I was fucking born to, that has struggled to pay attention and make note of my inner distress and has struggled to know how to comfort and take care of me.

Lastly, me in this dream is both an archetype and an individual simultaneously. At this time in my life, I became pretty obsessed with Joseph Campbell's The Hero's Journey. In this dream, there is a very clear turning point where I realize that I need to become the main character of my life, "I realize I was the only one who could rescue him." I've had several other dreams that mirror the exact same wording.

You get to a point in your adulthood, if you're lucky, if you decide to mature, you realize you’re the only one coming to save you. That is what individuation is: taking up your own cross— Campbell's verbiage borrowing from the Christian tradition, and bearing the weight of you and your lineages' transgressions, ‘the sins of your fathers’.

As a medium ( I did not know I was a medium them, and I think these dreams were the precursor to my gifts turning on), I believe and have seen time and time again, we often reincarnate back into the same family systems, the same lineages. So truly, the ‘sins of our fathers’ are just own our past life karmas being worked out over and over.

A carousel of hell really (kidding, sort of).

This dream is rich with symbolism, both collective and individual. I'm extremely grateful that I kept journals throughout my life so that I may return and reflect on them as I continue on my main character journey.